Keeping Boundaries Without Drama

(And why so many women choose the bear)

A while ago, the internet asked women a strange question:

Would you rather meet a man or a bear in the forest?

A lot of women chose the bear.

Not because it’s safer.
Because it’s predictable.

A bear doesn’t negotiate.
It doesn’t push when you say no.
It doesn’t demand a justification for your discomfort.

It’s clear.

And when you’re rebuilding confidence, clarity feels safer than charm.

You’ve been capable before.

You’ve built things.
Raised families.
Managed teams.
Held responsibility.

So why does starting a business now feel harder than it should?

Because this time you’re visible. And visibility brings boundaries.

When you restart, you’re deciding:

• What you’ll charge

• How available you’ll be

• What behaviour you’ll tolerate

• How much emotional labour you’ll carry

If your confidence is shaky, you soften everything.

“I’m just trying this.”
“Sorry if that’s too much.”
“I can change it if that doesn’t suit.”

It sounds polite.

But it signals uncertainty.

And uncertainty invites negotiation.

Here’s the truth:

Drama doesn’t start with a clear no.
It starts with over-explaining.

When you justify every decision, you open the door to debate.

“Tuesday doesn’t work” becomes
“I can’t do Tuesday because it’s a bit busy but maybe if…”

The more you explain, the more flexible you look — even when you’re not.

People push boundaries when they sense wiggle room.
They respect boundaries when they meet certainty.

Not aggression.

Certainty.

This is where women restarting later in life often wobble.

You don’t want to be difficult.
You don’t want to sound harsh.
You don’t want to lose opportunities.

So you overcompensate with niceness.

But calm authority isn’t loud. It’s steady.

It sounds like:

• “No, that doesn’t work for me.”

• “That’s outside the scope.”

• “My rate is £X.”

No apology. No essay. No emotional footnotes.

Confidence doesn’t shout.

It simply refuses to wobble.

When you’re rebuilding, every client feels important. Every enquiry feels loaded. It’s easy to think you can’t afford to be firm.

But shrinking your boundaries to keep people comfortable doesn’t build confidence.

It erodes it.

The steadier you become, the less drama you attract. Because you become predictable.

Clear.

Grounded.

Confidence Connection isn’t about becoming fearless or louder than everyone else.

It’s about becoming steady again. I’ll show you how in my next weekly series of emails. Sign up below.

Say less.
Mean it.

Apparently… that’s why the bear wins. 🐻